Wow

So it's been a long time. Over a year, and a lot has happened. I had my first boyfriend; that only lasted for about 3 months. It was pretty fun, though, definitely worth it. I also had my first, not officially, girlfriend. I can't get over her though. I'm still in love with her two months after we ended things. I don't know if I can take this for much longer; it's killing me inside. She wants to know what's wrong, why I keep wanting to cut. It's because I can't get over her. She's the only one I can't make myself stop caring about, and part of me just wants to die over it. I would do absolutely anything for her or to make sure she's okay. I would die for her. But I can't tell her that. One of her exes just pulled that, and it's killing her. I just don't know how to do this anymore. I'm slowly destroying myself while trying to fix her. She didn't fall in love with me - not like I fell in love with her. We're so different, but part of me thinks that's perfectly fine. Another part of me wants to have someone who I have more in common with so there's less compromising. I'm so lost right now. I've been cutting again, even though she's there. I mean, she's there, but she's not there. I always feel like I'm bothering her when I talk to her about anything. Actually, I feel like that about pretty much everyone. I don't know how I'm gonna get through Kung Fu without passing out tomorrow. You know, blood loss and stuff.