Band Shows and Rifles

We had a band show yesterday, and I'm in colorguard - I spin flag and rifle. I did about 150 consecutives which is one of our warm-ups for rifle before we went out and did the show, and my shoulder hurts so bad today :P And my friend Chris asked me to put his bracelets and his class ring in my duffel bag cuz the band's hat bags break really easily, and he didn't want to lose it. Then, I asked his after the show if he wanted his stuff back, and he said no. I put the stuff back into a small pocket in my bag, but somehow the ring fell down into the rest of my bag. I was flipping out and crying when I couldn't find it on the bus because I knew he would be really pissed if I'd lost it; I honestly think he would have hurt me if I had... Anyways, I was taking everything out of my duffel bag and I couldn't find it anywhere, so my friend Jackie who I sit with the bus called her mom and asked her to check the stands again since she'd been chaperoning. Then she looked down at the seat, and it was sitting there right between us. It was right fucking there. It took me probably another 10 minutes to calm down after we found it, and when I told him what happened, he said that he would have hurt me. Actually, that's not exactly what he said, but you know, not gonna repeat that...

What's Going on?

So lately, I've been feeling really weird, and I don't know if it's just a phase I'm going through or what. I think I'm starting to like one of my friends.... and yes, I know that wouldn't normally be a problem, but she's a girl. And today I found out that one of my best friends is gay - he finally came out. I kinda thought he was, but we joked about it all last year so I didn't really want to tell anyone... He just acted different; I guess he just didn't seem like a regular guy so much to me. That and the fact that he actually cared what his outfit looked like.... Anyways - the biggest problem is that my parents are really really strict Christians, like, about one step up from being Mennonite. The second biggest problem is that it scares me shitless. I have no freaking clue what I'm doing, and I'm scared what my friends would think. I mean, yeah, they all are perfectly fine with guys being gay, but a girl? I know one of my really close friends doesn't really like lesbians. But see, the other problem is that I might be bi. Not just straight-up gay. I've only told one person this, and I can't tell her any more because it's her that I like... And my best gay friend doesn't believe that someone can actually be bi, so I'm basically stuck with no one to talk to. Just having all of this build up until I feel like I'm going to explode. Hopefully I don't, though cuz last time was a year a cutting and crying...