So last night, one of my friends asked me if it was bad that she's starting to like pain. Even the thought of that possibility killed me. I felt like I had a gaping hole in my chest for an hour. I felt like I was going to die. I realised just how much more I love her than I love myself. I would rather die than know that she could have to go through what I've gone through. I would die a thousand times over to save her from becoming what I am. I couldn't handle watching her kill pieces of herself day by day, cut by cut. My soul has been gone for too long to worry about myself anymore, but hers, hers is fine. If there's a heaven, she still has a chance of going there. I don't know how to help her; I've never been very good at helping myself. I can't just sit around and watch this happen though; I need to figure something out.